My husband and I are still writing our love story. The highs and the lows of marriage have been the foundation for it to flourish over time even with misconceptions. Keep reading to learn more about some misconceptions I encountered in our marriage!
1. Marriage Would Go As Planned!
Every couple dreams and plans for their life in the future. Kevin and I had many of those conversations. We knew how we wanted our marriage to go like this: marriage, buying a house and having kids! This seemed to be the only reality for a young couple in our eyes. Society helped us believe we had to follow the imaginary timeline that hovers over a couple in every stage of life. Please, do not fall for this misconception. Do not let others or society trick you into believing your story must look like everyone else’s. Create your own timeline. God will guide you and, in his time, He gives you the best! Trust him, I promise it’s worth the wait!
My truth: Months before we got married our plans changed drastically as we moved to a new state to study… The contract where we lived stated we could not have children while living on school grounds for obvious reasons. Four years went by, we have a degree, we have traveled, lived in California for a few months and made a ton of memories… Our story is not done yet, but it’s been the best story for us even if it was the opposite of what we planned!
2. My Spouse is My Source of Happiness!
Most people believe they know themselves before marriage, and this may be true for most people. However, marriage is the place I believe individuals truly get to know the core of who they truly are. Many times, we do not address personal issues till we get married because we can hide from ourselves, but not much can go hidden with another set of eyes on you. Believing your spouse to be your source of happiness can hurt when they let you down. As individuals, we have to find our own way to be contempt in life. We cannot expect our spouse to be the only reason we feel happy. Together you create happiness by loving yourself, which allows you to love your spouse unconditionally.
My truth: I sought for my happiness to be fulfilled by my husband in the beginning. I was old enough for marriage, but naive enough to not understand I had flaws of my own that I needed to address. If you know our story, you know we had a hard moment early on. I had to truly dig deep and ask God to fill the void I had, so I could find happiness within myself first.
3. Sex is Always Available
I heard so many conflicting opinions on this topic before I married. It’s true most people believe sex before marriage will be every day and you will feel you are most attractive in that moment with your spouse. We can fall into deeming sex will be available to us at any moment because we are married and, yes technically it is, but the truth is we don’t always have the time or energy. As a couple, you learn what’s best for your marriage. Make it work the best way possible BUT do not neglect this part of marriage! Let's be real, we do not always feel attractive or up to it, but the intimacy creates a deeper bond that oversees our insecurities.
My truth: As a couple with such busy schedules we have learned to make things happen intentionally by planning ahead! This helped us be intentional and present!
4. Agree to Disagree.
The truth is we are two different people with different upbringings and family traditions. We cannot expect to believe that because we fell in love, we will see life the same way and agree on everything…In a perfect world, maybe! Do not get caught up in trying to change your spouse or your own objective in life. Instead, work on communicating both perceptions and talk about the good and the bad. In a relationship, it’s vital to never down grade each other’s opinion. Respect and agree to disagree on some things. Do not get fixed in being right!
My Truth: My husband and I grew up very differently! We see many things inversely and it became a problem at first. However, we learned to stop trying to change each other and accept our differences. We learned to comprise change by finding the things we collectively agreed on. We are creating a new normal for our relationship. We also work on not getting offended when we disagree. It’s normal to have differences, embrace them!
5. Motivation for Our Marriage Will Come Easy
Just like work requires hard work, diligence and commitment, so does marriage. Being motivated when dating comes pretty easy because marriage is the ultimate goal. This is your love story; fill it with the best of what you can offer. Do not let your relationship become a routine. Find moments to surprise each other, encourage each other and recommit to your vows.
My Truth: When I found myself alone in another state, I found it hard to be motivated to make the best of our situation. I expected to find motivation for our marriage by self-loathing or getting comfortable. Expressing my feelings to my husband gave us new inspiration to get out of our comfort zone and act on our desires for our marriage. Life groups helped us grow as we met other couples more experienced in marriage.
We all have expectations and dreams of what marriage should resemble. Communicating with your spouse at all times about the smallest details will help lessen your chance of misconceptions. No marriage or relationship is perfect and we will never know every detail about our spouse. The beauty comes with time and patience as we share life and learn to love each other. God is the way to an everlasting blessed marriage!
1 Corinthians 16:14 “Do everything in LOVE.”