Addiction Almost Ended Our Marriage

Hey everyone, welcome back to our new look blog. We want to be able to offer you more resources and share the things that has helped us thus far. This past weekend was amazing. My wife and I got the opportunity to give a conference to young adults and share our story with them. Part of the reason we started this blog is because we wanted to share with everyone our journey, our experiences and our struggles. There is power in transparency even more so when we do it together. 

I grew up in church all my life and I’m thankful for that. When I was born, my parents were already well-respected leaders in Puerto Rico. I was born in 1989 in the town of Ponce, Puerto Rico. We moved to Bayamon a year later, so don’t ask me about Ponce because I don’t know much ( I just like to brag about the fact that I was born there). We made our way to Florida at the end of the year 2000. My parent’s new assignment of becoming pastors again was the reason for the move. It was a difficult transition for me. I was in middle school at the time. Trying to adjust to a new culture and a new school system was extremely challenging. I was failing all my classes. However, I started progressing little by little. I started making friends at church and it started to feel more like home. Three years later, around the age of 14, I was first introduced to pornography. This opened up a new world for me. I was always shy and quiet growing up. I wouldn’t know how to handle large social settings. So I found myself wanting to be alone most the time. In that time of loneliness, I continued to be curious and I would find a way to the computer and watch porn. You see, pornography is more than just an explicit image of people engaging in a sexual behavior. Pornography can affect not just you, but those closest to you. I knew that it was wrong, but it came to the point where I wouldn’t know how to stop. 

Years later, in 2008, on a Sunday morning, in the month of August, I was introduced to this gorgeous girl name Tiffany at church. I wasn’t really looking for a relationship at the time, but after the service was over, we were introduced by a mutual friend. Immediately, I knew something was different about this girl. The following week, I got her number and the rest is history. We got engaged on December 25, 2010 in Paris and we tied the knot on February 25, 2012. 8 months later, we took our talents to the midwest to good ole Springfield, Missouri. I attended college at Evangel University. It took us a while to finally settle down. It wasn’t an easy move. After some time, my wife found a full-time job. So after school, I would often come home and be alone. The behavior that I once thought I had left behind, followed me. I thought I was done with pornography when I got married because I’ll just have sex with my wife right? That is the biggest misconception. Pornography once again dominated me. I wouldn’t focus in school because a large portion of my time was spent watching porn. The more I watched, the emptier I felt, but wouldn’t know how to stop. It was a constant cycle. I felt worthless. I thought I could battle this on my own, but it was just too much. Mentally and spiritually, I was a wreck. Our one year wedding anniversary was approaching. The local church that we attended was announcing a marriage conference. It was the same weekend as our anniversary, so we decided to go. The conference speaker challenged all the couples that evening to sit down together and confess any secrecy. You see, in order for God to bless and prosper your marriage there cannot be any sin hidden. When I heard him say that, I felt such a heavy conviction because I knew that I needed to finally tell my wife about my struggle. The ride home was awkward and silent. So we finally arrive home and we go to the room. And the words came out of my mouth, “babe there is something I need to tell you”…her eyes lit up so big. Her entire demeanor changed. I told her that I had been struggling with pornography for a long time. I knew she’d get upset, but didn’t know she’d get THAT upset. She got angry. She was so hurt by what I had told her and she left the apartment, but came back a few hours later. I started crying because I didn’t know the impact that this addiction would have on our marriage. I thought that was the end of us. That night she slept in the room and I slept on the couch. The craziest part is that the following day was our one year wedding anniversary. We finished conference together and looked out for help. The long road to recovery immediately began. Let me tell you it wasn’t easy at all. We had our good and bad days. Days where it seemed we were quickly moving forward and days where it seemed as we took 10 steps back. I would spend hours crying in my car. Some days I just didn’t have the strength. There was nothing I could say or do to take that pain away. Little by little God was working in me and He was guiding me. There were days where my wife would be in the room and I would just sit there next to her in silent. Even though not much was being said, I needed to show her that I was still committed to her and loved her and that I cared for her feelings. I connected with the men’s ministry at the church attending morning bible studies while me and my wife would go to counseling weekly. Like I said, the process was long and hard. God began restoring our marriage and began rebuilding that trust that had been broken. God is a God of the impossible. 

Six years later, our marriage is healthier than it’s ever been. We still go to counseling. Has it been easy? No. Have I been perfect? No. We will never be good enough. But we don’t have to be. God takes what you have and creates this masterpiece. He accepts you just as you are. Everyday I am thankful for what God has done in my life and for my wife sticking by me. We chose to never stop loving each other despite the hell that we lived. We all have struggles. Don’t try to live and fight them on your own. The longer you hide your addiction the more the enemy will grab hold of your life. Choose to confess your sin to God, find someone you trust to be your accountability partner, and everyday walk by the spirit to experience true freedom in Christ. 

I hope you enjoyed this post. Part of the few new things we are implementing in this blog is that my wife and I will both talk about the same topic, but I will share stories from my perspective and she will share the same from her perspective. We hope this helps you relate more. We will feature other couples and share the message of hope because you are not alone. We want Never Stop Love to be a movement, not just a blog. If you think this post blessed you and will bless others, feel free to share. We want to know your feedback, so feel free to send us an email. Make sure to subscribe to our page, so you don’t miss any of our upcoming posts. We will be posting every other week. Connect with us on social media!

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Your brother in Christ,

Kevin